To Know Her is to Love Her

It’s unconventional for me to share a few bottles of drinks with guys who are (not total) strangers; and it comes as a surprise that I said yes that night. 

Exchanging stories and ideas for three hours and eventually getting inspiration on something to write about didn't come as a surprise.  Well, I shouldn’t be wondering how the author in me can weave something from almost anything.  But I have found valuable insights that intrigued me and kept me wanting, like how beer would probably tease your mind to sip more.

Have you ever prejudged someone? Or have labelled someone from the way they look, or the way they speak?  I personally advocate for social justice and I hate the feeling of receiving invalid prejudice.  I find it unfair that someone will have a negative impression of me just because of one occasion, one instance I acted or even one word I said.  

If you are my friend and have read up to this point, you may have been thinking that something is wrong with me based on how I started this article (the bucket of beer and the strangers).  I am fine.  And I am now validating your feelings by saying that there is also nothing wrong about you judging me.  

Our mind is offered with choices at any given time and that includes how you perceive something or someone.  I, too, have made several prejudices.  Some of these were wrong, some were right.  Most of the time, we are tempted to defend ourselves for receiving feedback on the wrong ones and explain.  But what is the point in doing this, unless the person who said that is important to you?

When it comes to the male species, I have often associated being quiet or reserved as lack of confidence.  My eyes were more often drawn to someone who is the life of the party.  This mindset actually made me miss the chance to get to know the silent ones from the past (who seemed to be more attracted with me!) Now I find that either of them may be interesting after putting down the barriers I have unconsciously built about how others behave.  

Discernment and honesty is still key.  We should not compromise intuitions we feel strongly about when dating, or friendship with people, or decision-making in general.  

“Don’t make life complicated.  You complicate things when you rationalize.  You rationalize only when there is fear.  Faith, the opposite of fear, needs not a back-up plan or an option.” -Gentleman 1

One of the two (stranger) gentlemen has a carefree disposition about life.  He values personal principles more than having everything reasoned out and analyzed. He is most likely to take risks for relationships and would stick to one woman in his life for a long time.  I have met like-minded guys before; and their personalities for me and most of my girlfriends are somehow overwhelming.  They’re the ones who drag us to jump into the relationship fast on the basis of only mutual feelings.  

Let’s just say that the ladies I know would like to think things over, and are more careful, and our brains are wired differently than these guys. But to be fair, yes, this carefulness in us often leads to complications a.k.a analysis paralysis. But don’t blame us. We would like to know where you are coming from as much as we want to be understood.

“How can you say you love someone when you have stopped trying to know about him? There is always something more to learn about a person, even about God. There is always something to ask.” -Gentleman 2 

I was deluged by how these words from the other (stranger) gentleman were so passionately spoken. More than the delivery, I was startled because what he said was relevant to me. Faith, for me, comes from knowledge of a person and I admit I have stopped asking questions at some point. Perhaps because I have become impatient about receiving the answers I need. Or I have built another wall of prejudice and assumed that delay of understanding means rejection of my plights.  

Words to me are important, and I can only get them when I seek and ask.  But I am hoping any lover would be gracious and sensitive enough to empathize with his beloved and provide assurance beforehand, unless he has another plan. Should I really ask?

Let’s just say, I also feel done with the knowing part and I’m dwelling on the believing and acting part nowadays. Faith without action is dead, as the Bible says.  And in any relationship, your knowledge about someone should not stay as statements to share, or facts to continually discover, but should eventually translate to change in actions.

“Whenever I listen in conversations, I pick up what’s relevant for me in my present situation. A message catches my attention when it’s conveyed to me repeatedly and through different persons.  Hearing and learning from others’ experience is important to me because I want to lessen mistakes and get where I want to be fast.  However, I appreciate the freedom to make my own choices rather than by being instructed what to do.” 

The driven girl in me spoke her thoughts.  The words I left actually tell more about this lady than just the word “driven” which a new colleague used to describe me. My heart got pinched with a little ache and I eventually realized it as my desire to be known.

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